


Don't give me peace (I don't want it)

by killingoksana



Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Smut, Idiots in Love, POV Eve Polastri, Post-Episode: s03e08 Are You Leading or Am I?, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:48:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26259670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killingoksana/pseuds/killingoksana
Summary: «I don't know what to do with all this love I have for you, Eve».Or, about how Eve tries to deal with two broken hearts that only beat for one another.
Relationships: Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Comments: 15
Kudos: 130
Collections: Killing Eve Week 2020





	Don't give me peace (I don't want it)

Sometimes I wonder when was the exact moment that my life changed in such a radical way. Was it the first time you looked at me in that somber bathroom? Was it when I stabbed you? When you shot me? Or was it back when I accepted to work at MI6 right after we met? I honestly don’t know. It’s not that I care, really. But right now, it seems that every decision I’ve made in my life, no matter how good or bad, has led me here, to the place where I belong. I’ll be damned if I ever say those words to your face, though. I won’t hear the end of it.

Anyway. Does it matter, now that we’re in this bed, with your arms around me, your legs tangled with mine and your breath against my neck? It should, maybe. But I’m choosing not to care. Because we turned around, didn’t we? I chose you, you chose me, and I’ve never felt so damn good in my entire life.

The light that seeps through the shutters is hitting me directly on the eyes, so I’m going to use that as an excuse to turn around.

I just want to look at your face. ‘Cause it is a _fucking_ beautiful face. I want to trace all your beauty marks with my fingers, but I’ll let you sleep for a little bit longer. And of course, you look adorable in your sleep. Even with parted lips and drool all over your chin. Your soft snores are so cute too. Is there something not perfect about you? I’m not going to even bother to ask you. I already know the answer you’ll give me. And yes, _you’re a dick_.

I can’t believe we’re this close right now. You having me pinned down in my kitchen doesn’t count. The tussle on the bus doesn’t count either, nor do Paris and Rome. None of those times I had the chance to look at you, to stare at you, just for the sake of it. And now, I can count your eyelashes, can admire all your freckles. It _is_ kind of nice... How badly I wish we could stay like this forever, pretending we’re not in danger, that there isn’t anything out of these walls threatening to tear us apart.

I want to kiss you. I want you to kiss me. Softly, slowly. Just like last night. I want to kiss every corner of your face, every scar around your body, every nook that no one has ever been allowed to reach before. I want to kiss your tears away. I want to do everything with you. I want to do everything to you. I want you to rely on me, to talk to me, to share your deepest fears with me.

“ _I don't know what to do with all this love I have for you, Eve_.”

Your words still echo through my mind since they left your beautiful mouth a few hours ago. I don't think I've ever felt so guilty in my life. I was so angry when I said that you didn’t understand what love is... And no matter how many times you tell me to forget about it, that it is okay, ‘cause it isn’t. Because you may be a monster, but I am one too. You were right, baby. We are the same. And the kind of love we know about is not conventional. It is twisted and deranged and it makes us unhinged but it is _real_. And I feel it. Now I know how you feel.

“I don’t know how to love you. I just know I do.”

There it is. I said it. And I've just woken you up, or maybe you already were, and you're looking at me with those sleepy and endearing eyes and now I'm the one who is crying.

Your hand is warm on my cheek.

“But there's never any love left for me,” you whisper against my mouth.

I can feel both of our hearts break a little.

It may not be enough. This may not be what you need — _what we both need_ — at all, but I hope that I can pour everything I feel for you in the way I'm kissing you. Because I’ve never been good with words, I’ll let my actions speak for me. I can only pray that I’ll ease our pain a little bit for now.

And now you are biting my bottom lip. The metallic taste is addictive. This pain is so much better than the one inside my chest.

“Say it again.”

Even in your breaking points, your voice is commanding. I can’t bring myself to oppose to that.

“ _I love you_.”

“Again.”

I can’t think straight right now. So I’m opting to straddle your waist and kiss you once again. Your hands on the bare skin beneath my t-shirt are not enough. My hips are deciding to give you a hint.

“ _I love you_...”

Has anyone drawn those moans from your pretty mouth before? Have you ever sounded so desperate with your lovers? The look in your eyes tells me you feel somewhat daunted. As if you’ve just gotten caught losing control. I’m going to think I’m your first, that I’m the only one that has ever made you feel like _this_.

I want to tell you that I got you, that you’re okay. That I’ll keep you safe. But I’m breathless, speechless, because you’re undressing me and I’m undressing you and you are ridiculously and unfairly gorgeous and I don't think I can ever get enough of you.

“ _Eve_...”

Bless you for taking me out of my reverie. I’ll never forgive myself for missing a single moment with you when we are like this. Your hands tug not so lightly at my hair and I adore how obsessed you are with it.

My skin burns everywhere you touch me. I hope my caresses leave you feeling the same.

If you keep sighing like that, I swear I’m going to lose it.

Has this softness always been within you? Or is it because of me? Because your hands are so delicate and your gaze so gentle and if I didn’t think so little of me, I’d swear you were worshipping me. But I don’t even have time to let that thought set because you’ve just sat up and you’re kissing my — _your_ — scar and I might as well have just died. Amazing way to go, here, in your arms.

“ _I love you, Eve_.”

And I love how adorable you are being right now with me.

“ _I love_ _you_ , _Oksana...”_

I know I should be scared about the way your face shifts from harmless to wicked in less than what it takes me to blink. But that stupid smirk of yours is only challenging to me. I can take care of myself just well enough. I’m willingly letting you take control of this. And now that you are laying on top of me and are leaving a trail of wet, hot kisses all over my chest, I can't find the willpower to stop you. Not that I want to try—

_God_ , you’re good at this. Won’t admit that aloud, either. No.

But this is not a fight anymore, is it? I chose to give in to you, to admit everything I feel for you. And last night you promised you’d make love to me in the morning, and I’m not in a position to contradict your wishes... Probably because you’ve already settled yourself between my legs and I thought you couldn’t look more beautiful but _fucking hell_...

**Author's Note:**

> and here's my entry for Day #3 of the Killing Eve Week 2020.
> 
> another post-bridge fic because I'm anything but original 🥺 hope you enjoy this nonsense 💕
> 
> come yell at me on tumblr @ [la---villanelle](https://la---villanelle.tumblr.com) or on twitter @ [killing0ksana](https://twitter.com/killing0ksana) 😚


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